What are you pretending not to know………

When I was little, I would spend lots of time at the beaches around the Devon coast, creating many happy memories, which I believe was the beginning of my love of the water. During this time, I would spend the whole day on an inflatable lilo floating in the sea, often then feeling the motion of the waves beneath me later as I lay in my bed at night.

My teenage years didn’t allow me to spend that time with kids my own age.  During this period dad was estranged, my mum was working full time, and then often socializing. I took on the role of caring for my two younger sisters.  At times I became incredibly lonely, although I had friends around me, no one could understand what I was going through.  I’d often feel comfort by the water’s edge, whether it was a tranquil moment from the madness of home or the strange connection I felt with my dad who was living across the North Sea in Norway, or perhaps a reminder of good times when mum would often organise days out, creating many happy memories visiting rivers or the seaside. Water was never far away.

As I grew older, I continued to feel removed from the people around me. I didn’t understand them.  I couldn’t comprehend that people liked me or grasp what they thought of me. I’d often visit the sea or walk by a river to try and feel connected, to something, anything.  The water became my companion. To this day I still feel an affinity with water, drawn to the sense of freedom, nostalgia and comfort it continues to provide. 

I recently read an article on moving water and the negative ions it produces. How they can increase serotonin levels, helping to alleviate depression and relieve stress. Suddenly my connection with water makes perfect sense. Still a work in progress, ‘What are you pretending not to know…’ aims to visualize the constant companion water has been to me throughout all my life.